Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional

-
MYSTERIOUS PARADOXES
Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for finding a new one.
— A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46
Hitting bottom for me was the beginning of a new life.  The Ninth Step promises tell me "...sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly."  I reached a point in my recovery where I looked back and thought, 'I am a miracle'.  
It didn't feel that way at first.  I wanted my life back, my kids back, my house back, I didn't want loneliness, I was tired of guilt.  I wanted it to all go away on my terms and my timeline. Slowly but surely, with faith and action, miracles began to happen right before more eyes.  For me and others in the program as well.  God has a plan for all of us and it is on His terms, not ours.  
My alcoholic way of thinking believed that things should happen on my timeline and my terms.  'Of course, the program just wasn't working', and when I saw a few miracles, it wasn't fast enough.  I hadn't yet let go of the idea that I am not in control.
I could never have imagined that I could be happy again, having a job again, having a home again, being in my children's life again.  I remember being in the grips of my alcoholism curled up on my kitchen floor ready to end my life because I couldn't even fathom a life like I have today.  I believed my life was always going to be the way it was.  I felt like my kids would be better off without me, a drunk drug addict.  I felt I was a burden to everyone around me and it was just a matter of time before everyone gave up on me.  
Here I am today, 10 years later.  Still alive and happier than I have ever been.  I am a productive member of society.  The rewards and miracles that have come my way I can attribute to God and the members in my fellowship who so diligently steered me toward taking the right actions.  
Today, I can help the broken Mom who lays on her dark cold kitchen floor and tell her she is worth it and that God loves her and has a plan for her.  I can tell her that her kids need her and love her.  I can tell her she can have her life back. 
The miracles are there for anyone who wants them.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Attitude Of Gratitude

-
Image
A THANKFUL HEART I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. — AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 I thank God everyday for leading me to AA.  I start my day with my Daily Reflection reading to put myself in the correct frame of mind.  I need an attitude adjustment the minute I wake up along with lots of coffee.  I am thankful for the life he has given me and blessings he has gifted me.   If I start to doubt God's plan for me and become ungrateful, my self seeking ways slowly creep back into my life.  I will lose sight of the plan he has for me.  I will become so wrapped up into my own world that I become of no use to others who need help.   I have to remember where God has put me and where I came from when I started my journey in recovery.  I cannot take those blessings for granted ; they are to be sha
Read more

Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine...

-
Image
THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER At this juncture, his A.A. sponsor usually laughs. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26 I can remember when my sponsor laughed at me. I said "What are you laughing at? This is serious stuff!"  She said, "I'm laughing because I did the same thing too.."  At the time, I thought, how is any of this stuff in my inventory funny?  This woman must be crazy.   For awhile, my guilt was telling me I didn't deserve to laugh.  I was subconsciously punishing myself for my past transgressions.  Laughing meant being happy and I didn't deserve to be happy.  So when I couldn't laugh, I drank.  I laughed when I was drinking, I was always laughing (or fighting someone or something).  It wasn't real laughter.  I still felt all of these horrible emotions inside but the edge was knocked off just a bit.  Just enough for me to laugh and try to portray to others that I must be "okay" because I was laughing. My father w
Read more