Today Is Different

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THE CHALLENGE OF FAILURE
In God's economy, nothing is wasted. Through failure, we learn a lesson in humility which is probably needed, painful though it is.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 31
Today is different for me because I have hope.  I have faith that everything is going to be okay so long as I do the next right thing.  
I can remember feeling as if everything was failing all at once.  Sometimes I had multiple issues going on in my life but It didn't mean that it was time to throw in the towel.  But that is just what I did.   I believe lots of times, I would just give up without trying, which in turn led to more issues, compounding on top of each other because of my procrastination and my fear. I was tired and defeated.  Some days I didn't have the mental energy to take on challenges in my life.  When that happened, I would do one of two things, sleep or get drunk.  
I had this 'all or nothing' attitude.  I was trying to control things I couldn't control.  Of course that's tiring and frustrating!  But I would continue to try to get things to follow my script and it wasn't working.  I wanted my life to be instantly great and perfect and I wanted it that way all the time, and when that didn't happen, I would wallow in defeat and self-pity and eventually get drunk.
Today I am grateful for failure.  If it hadn't been for failure, I would have never walked through the doors of AA. If I need help or direction, I have fellowship of wonderful people who are willing to help me. I wouldn't be experiencing this wonderful life on God's terms if failure hadn't made me walk through those doors. Setbacks are inevitable and they must be expected. I'm thankful for the lessons God has shown me and continues to show me.   I must stay teachable.   Failure doesn't mean jumping ship.

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