Fear

For years, I let fear run my life.  I have heard fear referred to as "Forget Everything And Run".  

That statement couldn't be more true.  I have spent a lot of time in fear of abandonment, not being accepted and fear of failing relationships.   I have lived in several states and had several different jobs.
When things didn't measure up to my expectations , it was time to throw in the towel and move on. When I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, I would physically run or mentally run.  

As I got older , I would drown myself in alcohol in an effort to dull the pain that fear was causing because physically running was no longer an option.  My alcoholic way of thinking was convincing me that my fears were real.  After countless episodes of binge drinking, my alcoholism began to cause the very things I feared.  My relationship with my children began to suffer.  I got to see them less, and when I did see them, my time was spent trying to make up for lost time.  Then the guilt and shame set it in.  It is a vicious cycle of torment that I was bringing on myself.