Resentments

For every moment you are angry, you lose six seconds of happiness

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Resentments kept me drunk for a long time.  It was a reason to drink, for me anyway.  I could spend the whole afternoon drinking and thinking. Thinking about how badly I was being treated and how things would be different if people would just "treat me right!".  It wasn't my fault that I drank, It was their fault!  They were making me so crazy I had to drink!

That's what I used to tell myself.

 I would become so obsessed with "getting even".  I was always angry and depressed, it was a great big pity party!  I truly believed that there was nothing wrong with me and that I was a "victim" of other peoples behavior and bad luck.  I felt justified to drink.  After all I had been through, I deserved to be mad and angry.

What I didn't realize at the time was things were just getting worse.  No one was suffering because I was hurt or angry, except for me.  I was drinking myself to death.  I was spiraling out of control, quickly.  I would get so mad and want to get even.  Sometimes I would go to crazy extremes to get retribution and end up behind bars for the night.  Luckily, nothing horribly bad happened, but that's not to say that it wouldn't have.

I had to learn to accept things the way they are. I can't control how other people are going to act and I certainly can't expect everything to go  "just" how I want it.  I had to make several changes in my life in order for me to learn to deal with resentments.

The first order of business was to stop making new resentments.  After all, I had enough resentments to keep 10 people drunk for the rest of their natural lives.  In order for this to work, I had to evaluate the people I surrounded myself with.  If they didn't have my best interest at heart (or maybe had some bad habits of their own), I cut them loose.  I started  treating people the way I wanted to be treated.  I was the offender in some of the resentments I piled up previously so changing my disposition was a must.

Second, I started working on the resentments I had.  Where was I wrong?  What could I have done differently with my actions and behavior?  What part did I play in the resentment?  Recognizing my behavior was crucial because I found that I was a real jerk too.   For the people I felt I could "never forgive", I prayed for them, (and still do).

Not everything is perfect and there are countless situations that we can or do get caught up in.  Its important to always do the next right thing.  Treat people the way you want to be treated.