You want me to what??

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"Faith is to believe what you do not see, the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."
Saint Augustine







Having faith in my Higher Power was a challenge in the beginning of my sobriety.  I couldn't understand how I was going to put my life into the hands of something I couldn't see or believe.  It almost sounded as crazy as staying a drunk.  I wasn't a church goer.  Religion was never a big part of my life growing up. So now I was supposed give up control of my own life? To what?

In my Twelve Step program, I kept relapsing shortly after I reached Step 3.  I wasn't surrendering.  I still had to have control somewhere and get in the way of my Higher Power's plan for me.  I was stuck on Step 3 for a few years for sure.

When I finally accepted my Higher Power's plan and surrendered, I began my Step 4 and seemed to be just fine until I reached my Step 6.  I again began to question how all of this "faith" stuff was going to work and just how was He going to remove these defects from me?  Am I going to wake up a humble and kind person who has been touched by a miracle?

Not understanding how the faith process works, I again relapsed.  I began to think that I was destined to be a drinker my whole life and I began to think of ways to control my drinking...again.

It wasn't until I took a fresh look at the program I was working and started back at Step 1.  When I got to step 3 , I realized how much better my life had become in the years I was working the program, despite not having the concept completely.  There were blessings that I thought would never happen, There were people coming back into my life and amends were being made.  I had made so much progress in my recovery which had never ever happened prior to me working my Twelve Step program.  So I was ready to take that leap of faith this time.

Faith is not an overnight process, for me anyway.  Having faith and doing the right thing is all I have to do and my Higher Power does the rest.  "Sometimes slowly"  but surely faith in my higher power will relieve me of my sickness.

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