More Is Revealed

-
We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164
When I started my Twelve Step program, I was angry, impatient, desperate, confused and lonely.  I felt like I was missing something.  I wanted my life fixed right now without having to put the work in to get it where it needed to be.  I didn't want to have to pray or attend Twelve Step meetings.  I felt like I was a victim and shouldn't have to change myself.  I started attending Twelve Step meetings not because I wanted to, but had to,  if I ever had a chance of getting behind a steering wheel again.  I grumbled through meetings, unhappy to have to spend my evenings or weekends participating in something I was sure wasn't going to help me.
As time passed, I began to listen to what others were saying.  They were all just like me. They had the same trials and tribulations.  How could they be so happy and content?  Why were they so willing to participate in this fellowship?  I had nothing to lose.  I got a sponsor and began working my steps.  I started praying to my Higher Power and reading everyday.  I prayed every morning for God to give me the patience to deal with issues at work and in my personal life.  I slowly transformed into a different person. I didn't come home mad from work.  I was getting more accomplished while I was in the Office.  I could focus.  What happened?  I became more patient with people and instead of getting "psycho crazy" when they became indignant, I listened more and refrained from lashing back.  I no longer had to carry the burden of being "pissed off" all day.  Of course I still have my moments, the world is not perfect, but they are few and far between.
Difficult personal relationships were slowly improving.  I wasn't mad anymore.  I was learning that I didn't have to be mad all the time.  I used to think that getting "mad" showed how serious I was.  I learned that getting angry is unhealthy for me.  Its a seed that I can't plant in my day.  Anger can quickly grow into a trigger for me to pickup a drink.  
I can concentrate more on improving my relationship with my children instead of being a victim to the guilt and shame I had felt for so many years from not being there for them.  I can finally be a Mom my children deserve. 
Many many things improved and still are improving in my life.  Each day, there is something new and wonderful that gets revealed.  I do not believe that any of these blessings would have been possible if it had not been for my Higher Power and my Twelve Step program.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Attitude Of Gratitude

-
Image
A THANKFUL HEART I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. — AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 I thank God everyday for leading me to AA.  I start my day with my Daily Reflection reading to put myself in the correct frame of mind.  I need an attitude adjustment the minute I wake up along with lots of coffee.  I am thankful for the life he has given me and blessings he has gifted me.   If I start to doubt God's plan for me and become ungrateful, my self seeking ways slowly creep back into my life.  I will lose sight of the plan he has for me.  I will become so wrapped up into my own world that I become of no use to others who need help.   I have to remember where God has put me and where I came from when I started my journey in recovery.  I cannot take those blessings f...
Read more

Self Pity

-
Image
"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson Self pity can be dangerous if you allow it to control your actions and emotions. Bad things do happen and we have no control over it. We can control how we react. If you allow yourself to drown in self pity, it will keep you from moving forward.  I spent most of my drinking days steeped in self pity. Why me? Why do I have to deal this? Those were the questions I asked myself in between sips of beer. It was so easy to stay in the self pity mode. I carried my bitterness and self-destruction everywhere I went. I let it affect not only me but the people around me. If I didn't find the courage to face my pain head on, I was going to sink deeper into depression. And that is exactly wh...
Read more

I Am Home

-
Image
I'M PART OF THE WHOLE At once, I became a part—if only a tiny part—of a cosmos. . . . — AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225 I can remember countless meetings where I thought, "I'm not one of these people, I don't need a  program".  I didn't want to mingle with anybody, I just wanted to sit through the meeting and make up some ridiculous excuse why I couldn't stay and help clean up.  Since I didn't have a car, I would usually have my ride lined up to come early and wait outside the meeting. That way I could always leave quickly and give the old "goodbye shout"  to everyone.  I felt I didn't need to hang around, after all, the meeting was over right?   It wasn't until I began doing service work that I started to understand that I was one of them.  I was now part of an 'us'.  I remember my sponsor asked me to run the registration table at a Soberfest function we were having.  I couldn't understand why she would want me to d...
Read more