Happiness

"Now and then its good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy"

I used to think happiness was perfection.  "When everything is perfect I will be happy."  What is "perfect"? The grass was always greener somewhere else.  I could never be content with what I had at the current time.  I was always seeking something, but just didn't know what it was I was needing to quell my hunger for happiness.

In my twenties, I moved a lot in search of happiness.  Looking for jobs or relationships that were going to make me happier than I was.  When things became settled in my life, I became bored.  I thought I was missing something somewhere else.  Panic would set in and I would instantly begin seeking a different  job or relationship to continue my search for happiness.  I had a fear that If I settled down and stayed in one spot, that was forever going to be my life as it was at that exact moment.  There would never be excitement or growth, I would be "stuck" right where I was.

The sad thing about that mindset is I  didn't see all of the beautiful things that were happening around me.  I had no appreciation of what I had or what I worked for.  If it wasn't perfect or if I thought I could do better somewhere else, I left.

I'm still not sure what I was looking for to satisfy my happiness.  I spent most of my life "starting over" instead of enjoying the present moment.  Maybe I was afraid of commitment.  Maybe I was afraid of being let down.

I never understood where to find true happiness.  Happiness is when you have meaning in your life. Helping others, teaching others and caring for others makes me truly happy.  I had my health to be happy about.  I have made some wonderful friends along the way.  These are some of things I should have been embracing.  Instead, I was searching for "something different".

Today, just the simple things in life make me happy.  The pitter-patter of my children's feet when they run through the house.  My flower garden that I planted last summer.  The way the sun looks when it comes up in the morning over Hwy 61.  Buffalo chicken horseshoes from Ritz' lil fryer.  My front porch on a cool summer evening.  Walking through the woods.  The purr of TT KiKi and the way she nudges her head in my neck.  The list goes on.

My point is, I have slowed down.  I appreciate everything in my life. I take the time to notice everything around me.  I'm no longer afraid that I am missing something somewhere else.  This is exactly where my higher power wants me to be and I'm going to make the best of it.